Homesick... for your home.

Friday. It was not a typical good night for me. As of post Iftar with family at home, I went up straight to bed. It wasn’t a tiring day but it felt as if I have not slept for days. I slept through the night without bothering to bring my phone along. I don’t have that sense of need to be dragging and carrying it anywhere I go these past few days. It was a short 2 hours sleep but I felt like I had a 2 nights sleep. The moment I woke up, it was already 11.30pm. And I suddenly felt the urgency to rush and search for my phone. I went downstairs looking for it and the battery was drained, so I charged it. To my surprise, I received 4 miscalls from a long unknown number. I googled the code number and found out it was from a satellite phone call from a ship to shore. Heart was devastated to know that I failed to notice all the calls.

I miss you. I miss you like crazy. I can’t talk about it to anybody. I can’t be showing my emotions. I can’t be telling people how difficult it is for me. It sucks. They all suck. I feel like I’m all alone on my own and have no one to hold on to.

This time around, it’s the first time you went off shore since we first last met. It feels so different. It feels so difficult too. No words can really describe this now. No one can really understand what I’m going through now. And I’m writing here because it’s worth sharing to you the things that I have to go through, the feelings I felt when you weren’t around. This tingling feeling at the back of my throat, this tears trickling down my cheeks, this runny nose that keeps me breathless, they’re worth all. So long as I can hear your voice for 2 minutes and hear you laugh and giggle, while you hear my sobbing happy voice.

Sayang, I’m surrounded by family and friends and so many other things to do, and so many places to go. For you to have to stay at one place, doing the same thing, seeing the same people, eating the same thing, for days weeks and months, I can only have so much respect towards you. I could not imagine myself going through that. I’d be crazy. So I thank you for all the patience, and strength and sanity to go through this, all for our pinky promises. I will do so much to make all of this work.

Because in the end, you love me. And I love you. And you’re worth all the waits and sacrifices.

I do...

...wanna be loved.

" Your heart's against my chest 

Lips pressed to my neck 

I've fallen for your eyes 

But they don't know me yet 

And the feeling I forget 

I'm in love now "

It may sound cliché' but this feels like being in love. It really does. It is not just a loophole or an escape. It is not just an idea of falling in love. Instead, it is the settling down. It is the assurance and the commitment. It is the safety you're giving. It is being your lady. And yes, I want it from you. Just you. 

So take this kiss and lets forget about the rest of it. Lets watch our lives together. Cause do you remember? We pinky promised.